loneliness

Here there is a global map of laws which may impact how readers interpret parts of the content: https://www.nswp.org/sex-work-laws-map 

 

ESTABLISHING BOUNDARIES: 

  • Outline your boundaries at the start: if a partner crosses one, what others might they cross?
  • "The Buddy System" is the practice of you telling a friend where you are and your hookup's details with the expectation of you calling back once you are in a safe environment, otherwise they will travel to the location to check if you are ok. This is often done so the hookup is aware a buddy is looking out for you. There may be codewords meaning something is wrong and to call for help.
  • When offering drug or chem sessions with hookups, it's important to establish boundaries with yourself to reduce it affecting your home or work life.
  • Separate times you get rewards from your partying, such weekdays vs weekends, or set days you keep to. Or only using chems in your personal life OR when you are meeting a hookup-for-reward.
  • Some hookups offering reward are interested in trying 'sober sex confidence sessions' wanting substance use trigger-free intimacy while in recovery. Could you provide it instead?
  • Be cautious when partying with first-time hookups, everyone reacts differently to substances.
  • Consider only accepting rewards as money or gifts instead of substances which help with quality control on the chems.
  • Be aware of and avoid new substances on the scene when with a hookup for reward.
  • Recognize and leave triggering environments or networks to avoid dependence on substances building up.
  • Telling yourself "I can handle it, others don't know their limits" is how all habitual use is rationalized.
  • Regularly ask yourself, “Does seeking support trigger feelings of identity anxiety, more than pride in that self-awareness?” If anxiety to explore support goes unchecked, what could prevent chems in your life becoming unmanageable?
  • If you are expected to climax, consider practicing how you might fake it or an alternative if your body was unable to do so.
  • Plan ahead what you would do and would say no to if your body were not to perform during a hookup. E.g., Having an alternative lined up redirecting focus without that body pressure.
  • If you are given free chems, ensure they know it is a gift, without you then owing them something in return. Outside of kink roleplay, feeling owned can lead to depression.

ANTI-SPIKING TIPS:

  • Bring your own chems and drink, make small amounts so if it could have been spiked out of sight you can throw it out and remake it.
  • Don’t leave drinks or chems unattended. If it happens, replace them as potentially spiked, regardless of your gender. Recall the UK’s worst perpetrator of this targeted random men.
  • Watch out for non-consensual blowback kisses (blowing Tina smoke into your mouth).
  • Watch out for substances on their bum or genitals placed there to affect you non-consensually.
  • Bring a few types of your own lube, so a hookup can't use a preference to get you using theirs. They could be spiked, throwing off how much chems you are aware of taking.

 

CHEMS GOING WRONG TIPS

  • If a hookup experiences psychosis, communicate calmly and clearly, take them to a calm environment away from the sex setting with TV /music turned off. Call 999 if necessary.
  • Carry Naloxone as a precaution against overdosing on opioids (such as heroin or fentanyl).
  • If a hookup overdoses, don't leave them alone. Walk them around, keep them awake if unconscious, put them in the recovery position, call for help.
  • The presence of chems, or hookup-for-reward situations (most aren't illegal) does NOT mean ambulances report it to the police or other services.
  • Struggle to find sex exciting without the use of chems, but currently need the extra money from hookup-for-reward on chems sessions? Consider trying to earn and save enough to enable doing it without chems to get your body used to how it is again, even if for a week or so. The more familiar the feeling is again, the more reliable your body will be.
  • Explore the chems harm-reduction advice here, it’s easy for your information to become outdated without you being aware.

 

SAFER SEX TIPS:

  • “PrEP” is a pill routine that people who don't live with HIV can use to prevent HIV acquisition. It is a useful failsafe for anyone hooking up frequently. It is available free on the NHS and you can arrange to access it via your sexual health clinic.
  • After exposure to HIV you can go to an A&E or sexual health clinic and ask for "PEP", a month-long course to try to reverse the new acquisition. You must start it within 72 hours of exposure, the sooner the better for chances of success.
  • People living with HIV maintaining effective treatment are Undetectable, meaning their HIV cannot be passed on sexually.
  • "Window Periods" refers to the time it takes before an STI exposure could react on a test result. They are unique to each test type used, impacting which hookups need notification to test and which clinics can do for you anonymously when requested.
  • Maintain a record of sexual encounters and contact information for a year. This way, if you test positive for an STI later, relevant individuals can be notified to get tested. Notifications for relevant individuals go back to your previous negative result for that STI, continuing further back for the duration of the Window Period for that STI’s test type.
  • "Shedding Duration" is the time after STI treatment where tests would still be reacting to the treated STI. It will affect how accurately you are aware of an STI.
  • HPV vaccination ahead of exposure to different strains can prevent later need for cancer treatments of the cervix, anus, penis or throat, and can prevent genital warts. The vaccination is available to all genders on the NHS.
  • Some vaccines that others just like you found useful include the Hep B vaccine, Hep A vaccine, Covid vaccine, Mpox vaccine.
  • Explore the sexual health advice here, it’s easy for your information to become outdated without you being aware.

 

LEGAL RISK TIPS (UK):

  • Avoid bringing substances in exchange for reward: the law would consider you a dealer, whereby the legal risks increase hugely.
  • The presence of chems or hookup-for-reward situations (most aren’t illegal) does NOT mean ambulances report it to police or other services.
  • People who offer hookup-for-reward can access legal advice via the trade union "Sex Workers Union" along with gogos, porn performers, adult content-creators, professional doms, escorts, cam models & many others.
  • Being in a trade union before an incident makes it simpler for the union to respond fast when needed.
  • You can collectively organize in the union resisting corporate policies or laws that impact you negatively.

 

FINANCIAL RISK TIPS:

  • Accepting reward upfront, potentially taking deposits to arrange time and cover travel costs reduce chances of being unrewarded.
  • Budgeting is essential if partying with a hookup - keep track of how much you spent vs what you leave with. Think about how long chems would stay in your system and are you being rewarded for all that time or only e.g. for an hour?
  • If you feel you need to be high to earn reward from hookups, but you spent the reward on getting high, what’s the moment when it becomes not worth doing it?
  • Concerned about robbery or spending reward while high? Only bring cash you intend to use at that time, arranging rewards to be received in other ways.
  • Consider bringing a stamped and addressed envelope when out partying with a hookup-for-reward, so you can store cash you don't want to use in the envelope and mail it to yourself at a postbox. Be cautious of risks of the hookup seeing your address/PObox or a mail handler taking any obvious cash envelopes.
  • For online transactions such as taking deposits consider using a burner PayPal account with details you don’t mind a hookup seeing but transferring money from it to your main one for withdrawals.
  • Be aware PayPal would close your account if they learn what these payments are for.
  • Straight away transfer funds to a main PayPal account to avoid ‘chargeback’ robbery.
  • PayPal burner accounts need to be under a threshold amount (which varies) before ID verification is requested, verifying prevents the use of other names for your security, as names appear on transactions.
  • The Citizens Advice Bureau can help you determine if you're eligible for financial support due to a disability, neurodivergence, being a carer or your income level.

 

WANTING CHANGE TIPS:

  • Many found it useful to be assessed for neurodivergence for advice for handling it, some neurodivergence can also affect relationships to substances e.g. ADHD is a lack of dopamine production.
  • Many found it useful to access therapy to overcome anything holding them back, such as trauma, hidden fears of failure, or internalized negativity etc.
  • If you keep facing rejection, consider if someone can help with your CV or cover letter, maybe AI could help with wording.
  • Reverse-recruiting can apply for civilian jobs for you if it is overwhelming you, be aware it is a paid service.
  • Consider finding work within your comfort zone that you can hold down while applying for or training for the jobs you really want if you're facing repeated rejection in a job search.
  • The Citizens Advice Bureau can help you determine if you're eligible for financial support due to a disability, neurodivergence, being a carer, or your income level.

 

USEFUL RESOURCES:

 

We want to thank JASON DOMINO very deeply for helping so much with the preparation of this document. Jason is a UK sexual health and wellbeing advocate, sex work activist and porn star. He is also a notable member of The Sex Workers Union

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