I initially came to the process on my own, feeling really lost. I have never done anything like this before, and never had the tools or finances to access it. I was in a very bad place, and my initial appointment with my keyworker really changed everything. I felt a genuine care, like my case really mattered. I was so nervous about going into this but he really listened, and really wanted to help. We established the appropriate care for me and I was put in touch with their psychosexual therapist.

 

It soon became clear that my sessions could really benefit having my partner involved too. It was something I thought my partner would never agree to, but my therapist was incredibly delicate and supportive in how she offered the transition to couple's therapy, and my partner was made to feel comfortable and agreed to attend the sessions with me. Over the course of the sessions, she made us feel heard, and really made us sit with things we had not approached or properly acknowledged. At time it was hard, but in a very good way. We have come out of the process with tools that have made us so much stronger.

Before I started the therapy, I had two doctors tell me I was clinically depressed. Now, I am able to talk to my partner more, we understand how to better communicate, and I am the happiest I have been in a long time. I still have a journey to go, but they made me feel like there was always additional help where it was needed. I can't quite explain it, but his care seemed so very genuine. I know everyone working in care, therapy and medicine do truly care - but at times due to the sheer number of people you can't blame them for the fact this care can at times become a little impersonal. My journey with the Controlling Chemsex team was the complete opposite of this, and I am so very grateful for the time they sacrifice in giving people care who would otherwise have lost all hope and might go further down a dark path.

What they are doing is both admirable and fundamental, and I am so very grateful for the support.
Thank you :).

 N.

  

After having 8 sessions with my keyworker to make sure I was in control over my chems use, I started psychosexual therapy.

 

I genuinely thought I wouldn't be able to have good sex or any sort of connection with anyone on this planet. Fortunately that was not the case! At some point, I decided to meet a guy, to have a drink with him and be open to having sober sex for the first time in months! And it happened. It was so good to enjoy having... well, having a damn orgasm with someone, and to really getting to know that person. The tools and exercises provided during psychosexual therapy gave me the confidence to do this. I am still in touch with this guy. We are going to meet again this week. Maybe something even more meaningful will come out of this, maybe not. But we are meeting and there was a nice connection and that is what really matters to me.

 VICTOR. G.

  

I WAS USING CHEMS TO DEAL WITH PREMATURE EJACUTULATION

 

One of the reasons why I had been used chems was to deal with premature ejaculation. Drugs helped with that but affected all the other areas in my life, so carrying on using them to cope with that problem couldn’t last forever.

 

After getting keyworking support, once my drug use was under control, I got put in touch with a psychosexual therapist. We had 12 weekly sessions. Having independently researched, I had a sense of what the causes were, and felt initially that I had a rough idea for what the road map for the therapy sessions would be. However, I was completely wrong, and David explored a great range of issues with me, relating of course to sex, masturbation, porn, but also to love (romantic and otherwise), affection, relationship history and how I can identify what I feel I need out of sexual and romantic encounters. The therapy was much more revolutionary that I anticipated, and now with the therapy over, I feel I have moved on in terms of what I feel I want and need. As with the peer mentor, it's clear that Controlling Chemsex aren't just endorsing anyone, but rather they are co-opting really professional, skilled and knowledgeable people who clearly have a genuine commitment to help people improve themselves.  

 WELLINGTON F.

  

MY ISSUE IS MORE ON SEXUAL PSYCHOLOGY INSTEAD OF CHEMS ITSELF

 

For years, I was struggling with my chemsex craving and excessively glorifying chemsex chat on Grindr/Planetromeo, despite having boyfriend. I thought chemsex was the only way for me to feel satisfied again. Though after having the thought, I would mostly feel guilty, anxiety and shameful, assuming people might think I don't deserve to be around them. I isolated myself and avoided interaction with people. At the same time, I have been going through many big changes in my life and losing faith which causing me identity crisis. I was losing the sense of who/what I am. I don't know my position in society. Idea of apostate is social suicide among my family and relative who are very religious. Being gay is already not accepted. Being gay and apostate are even worse. I feel fearful, doubtful and lonely. This has also been adding to my social anxiety.

 

I am so glad that you responded me on Grindr. You could easily understand the chemsex problem I was going through. After several keyworking sessions, I was directed to focus on improving my sexual psychology, as my issue is more on sexual psychology instead of chems itself. This idea drastically changed the way I see myself. Realizing that I actually don't depend on chemsex has reduced the shameful and guilt feeling. No more chemsex thought. I am not so eager checking out Grindr anymore. The therapist had been very helpful to help me to dig my sexual life in the past until today. I started sex on very early age, years before I knew sex itself. I never had sex education. It is sad to know that there was no one to ask of what I am allowed/not allowed to do or what others can/can't do to me sexually. As no guidance, my sexual activity became compulsive and chems arrived. I carried big secret alone at very young age. Getting older, my sexual activity became more and more compulsive. I felt more shameful and dirtier. I live with several sides of me (normal side and dark side). My therapist suggested me to begin to learn to integrate and embrace myself as one. It takes time to recover my sexual thought to normal and get to know/familiar with my body again. Luckily, my boyfriend has always been there for me. I always told him everything.

 

ZAREK T.